I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
