Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
