Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
