i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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