Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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