im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
