Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Randomize
