im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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