Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
