Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Pants are for mortals
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
