Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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