Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
