Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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