ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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