Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
