Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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