Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
