There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
