Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
