At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
