I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
