we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize