Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
