It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
My cat gives me a boner
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
