Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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