ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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