Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize