how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
