Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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