That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
