She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
