Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
