I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
