I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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