ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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