my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
