I heard we made out
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
