In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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