I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
