It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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