It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize