yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Randomize
