I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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