Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
