make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
