I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
