Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
