i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
