You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
