There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
