I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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