fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
