And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Congratulations! We have a period
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
