so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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