This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
