it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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