this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
