I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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