her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
did i walk over a car last night?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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