apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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