so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
