and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
