Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
