Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
