I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
