they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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