last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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