Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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