when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
